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Di Silverio compares the fear of her husband getting hurt -- or worse -- in the field to a constant headache, "always lurking, keeping you a bit more on edge than you would normally be." When her husband was deployed to Iraq, her daughters were 3 and 5 and she was working as a deputy group commander.

"I almost welcomed the logistical difficulties of keeping our lives running, of coordinating day care and school and job and activities because it kept my mind occupied so I didn’t dwell on the danger [my husband] Tom might be in," Di Silverio said.

"It's ironic because my husband does not want to be the primary breadwinner now; he wants to go to school to get his bachelor's degree.

We had even agreed that I should be the primary breadwinner [now that he's retired] because I have the academic background.” 5.

Phyfe said that because the stakes of service are so high, military marriages require a certain degree of strength, which he said can ultimately help keep military couples together.

"[We] deal with life and death daily so the fear that has to be overcome is something that creates a friendship and love like no other," he said. Homecomings might be happy, but they aren’t easy on either spouse.

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The logistical aspects of being a military spouse can be a welcome distraction from the fact that your spouse could die at any moment."People sometimes assume that lots of military wives cheat when their husbands deploy," she said. But in my experience, it isn’t as common as military husbands having an affair with a female soldier while overseas." "I know many couples that divorced as a result of a relationship that began in the war zone," Perkins said. while not unheard of, it does not happen very much at all." "The military is a cross section of our society, and just as in civilian communities, there are always promiscuous men and women," hd said."It is a huge, unaddressed issue that can cause significant stress for military spouses." "There would be rumors about military wives hanging out at the clubs while their husbands were in the field," said Sgt. "The type of work soldiers deal with tend to attract partners that have similar attractions to duty, honor and commitment," added Phyfe, who served in the Army from 1980 to 1996 and now works with Vet Dogs, an organization that provides guide, service and therapy dogs to members of military with a disability. Military spouses can lose their sense of self, since their partners' career of service often takes precedence over theirs. Her daughter was not yet 2 and she was pregnant with her second child when she found out that she would be stationed in England.When she retired in 2004, she and her husband switched roles and she became the stay-at-home parent. Military spouses can have a harder time finding work than their partners who served."My husband sacrificed his career goals for most of the years that I was on active duty, with the understanding that I would retire," she said. Marie Ruediger, from San Diego, Calif., said that she has been seeking employment since March 2011 but has not had a single interview.

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