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’ In most of the civilised world, holding doors open for women is considered to be chivalrous and the behavior of a gentlemen. If I’m about to walk into a cafe, and there’s a woman walking in at the same time, I’ll pause and hold the door open for her. A look that says “this guy has just escaped from mental health institution.” Holding doors open for Dutch women will earn you scorn and contempt.

The Shallow Man’s advice is that when you see a woman walking behind you, just let the door shut in her face. She might even and come over and say “wow you’re so well integrated with Dutch society, here’s my phone number.”In nature a pack of wolves will pick off the weakest caribou then strike for the kill.

If several men are together, Dutch women, through a series of shouting, rudeness, and intimidation, will eventually home in on the man most likely to carry their shopping bags for them at Albert Heijn in the near future.

They’ll persist until their chosen victim has turned into a lump of quivering jelly.

If, as is highly likely you’re not paying attention, and she says “Who does Anouk think she is wearing such tight jeans, I think they were too tight.” Don’t whatever you do, agree with her, or make a comment such as, “yes her butt looks as if it’s attempting to stage a prison break from her jeans.” This will only earn you comments such as “What!!!

Most of us only believe something is true and factual after we’ve seen “official numbers” and random figures.

My group also helps men who were in failed relationships with the most unapproachable women in Europe.

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Now this post might upset some, and if as a result I’m grabbed by a group of angry Dutch women, and am taken to my own personal hell, the drie dwaze dagen sale at de Bijenkorf, and am forced to carry their bags while they scream at me “IK ZEG SKINNY JEANS, DIT IS EEN BOOTCUT JIJ IDIOOT.” I’ll say to my enemies, “no need to be so aggressive, I was just telling it like it is.”The things I do for my readers!

As Grandmaster Flash once said in the song White Lines, ‘don’t, don’t, don’t do it! Even after 10 years in the land of deep fried cuisine, I still can’t break the habit of opening doors for women.

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